Friday, March 22, 2013

Going for a run

Yes I'm an emotional hot mess. Get over it. I drank too much wine to drive so I walked to go tan. Weird as it was u found my self running and crying. I have cried more today than I'd like to ha e ever admit to.

I have been so strong for so long I'm over today is my weak day today I allow my self to be weak and cry.

Sure enough I was running unable to stope for 10 min crying most if the way.

I'm ready to be done now. Emotionally now.

Do you believe?

Do you? Do you believe that we all have this path we have set in front of us? I do.

I feel However there are things that get in the way of the signal. Like crazy static that shadows us from our true potential capabilities.

I hope I have made the right choices in life at least the big ones. I donot know what is in front of me any more and it scares me so much. I do a good job of putting on a good face. But hardly anything good has happened to me. Sometimes I can't help but wonder why. Why me.

Why me to loose David. Why should I have to wait until I'm over 30 to fall in love. Why do I have to be stong for everyone all the time. Why should I hurt. Why am I the one to always loose. Why am I still so damn defective after all these years.

Today I wonder, why me.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Trying

Things with my heart are settled down a bit. However when I think of what I lost my heart hits a hard beat. Thudding loudly against my chest as it squeezes tightly. I can feel the pain as it courses through my body.

I await the day when the thoughts of betrayal, love, heart, and desire of David seem not to cross into my brain. I love him and I know that was real. With every ounce of my life and being this was real. The most real thing I have ever felt. I hate what I have gone through I still have the hope that we are not done. No way we can be done. But before that can happen I need to not think of him. Or of what he's done. Or even of what we had. I need to heal I need to go days, weeks with out thinking of any part of him or it before I can heal. I can not move on or move forward until than in his words. "Misery".

A friend sent this to and it speaks volumes:

"....each day is, in a certain sense, a complete life by itself. It has its own duties, its own trial,its own burdens and its own needs. The very best we can do for the perfecting of our life as a whole, is to live the one day well. We should put all our thought and energy and skill into the duty of each day, wasting no strength, either in grieving over yesterday's failures -- or in anxiety about tomorrow's responsibilities." ~ J.R. Miller

Friday, March 22, 2013

Going for a run

Yes I'm an emotional hot mess. Get over it. I drank too much wine to drive so I walked to go tan. Weird as it was u found my self running and crying. I have cried more today than I'd like to ha e ever admit to.

I have been so strong for so long I'm over today is my weak day today I allow my self to be weak and cry.

Sure enough I was running unable to stope for 10 min crying most if the way.

I'm ready to be done now. Emotionally now.

Do you believe?

Do you? Do you believe that we all have this path we have set in front of us? I do.

I feel However there are things that get in the way of the signal. Like crazy static that shadows us from our true potential capabilities.

I hope I have made the right choices in life at least the big ones. I donot know what is in front of me any more and it scares me so much. I do a good job of putting on a good face. But hardly anything good has happened to me. Sometimes I can't help but wonder why. Why me.

Why me to loose David. Why should I have to wait until I'm over 30 to fall in love. Why do I have to be stong for everyone all the time. Why should I hurt. Why am I the one to always loose. Why am I still so damn defective after all these years.

Today I wonder, why me.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Trying

Things with my heart are settled down a bit. However when I think of what I lost my heart hits a hard beat. Thudding loudly against my chest as it squeezes tightly. I can feel the pain as it courses through my body.

I await the day when the thoughts of betrayal, love, heart, and desire of David seem not to cross into my brain. I love him and I know that was real. With every ounce of my life and being this was real. The most real thing I have ever felt. I hate what I have gone through I still have the hope that we are not done. No way we can be done. But before that can happen I need to not think of him. Or of what he's done. Or even of what we had. I need to heal I need to go days, weeks with out thinking of any part of him or it before I can heal. I can not move on or move forward until than in his words. "Misery".

A friend sent this to and it speaks volumes:

"....each day is, in a certain sense, a complete life by itself. It has its own duties, its own trial,its own burdens and its own needs. The very best we can do for the perfecting of our life as a whole, is to live the one day well. We should put all our thought and energy and skill into the duty of each day, wasting no strength, either in grieving over yesterday's failures -- or in anxiety about tomorrow's responsibilities." ~ J.R. Miller