Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Emptiness

My heart feels empty, lost, and alone. It's been my entire adult hood. Finally I meet a man that filled me with joy and happiness I didn't know I was missing. Now it's gone. I don't know how to hand it.

I have things to look forward to. My move to Portland. New job. It's a big scary move. I thought I was going to have David's support but I feel it dissipating slowing. When he's not around me our love we shared feels cold and distant. But when we see each other there is a charge in the air that fills my body with electricity. I feel love.

That is what I'll misstate of all.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Running away

There comes a breaking point in a lot of people's life's, some have more than others. I have hit one of mine.

So I now sit here on a price of driftwood from some unknown location, staring out into the deeps of the ocean. Reflecting. Sadly nothing positive coming to mind. These thoughts are what intrude my head:

"2013 is our year, baby"

I'm single

This can't be it.

I need to have faith. Faith in me and in us

If you love something. Let it go and hope if finds its way back.

Those are a few of my thoughts for the day.





Sunday, January 13, 2013

Break up

My world has been flipped inside out. What I thought was a fairy tale romance that could stand the test of time came to a shattering holt.

David and I have come to the semi-agreement that we need to work on our selfs to become better us's. Sadly that also means dating other people. I'm not certain that I can jump into any relationship casual, sexual, or otherwise.

What it is I need to work on: Me. I tend to neglect myself quite often. I see myself tipping the scales in the wrong direction. I no longer climb badger that I use to love so much. I don't wear make up. I don't dance. For anyone who's known me knows I dance and love it. May not be close to good at it , but man did I love it. I find myself caught up in taking care of everyone else I lost my self. David has been extremely wonderful in reminding me who I was without him knowing it. He's done so much that he doesn't even realize what it is he's actually helped me on. One day I hope to get the chance to show him. I will also need to get more cultured to the world around me. This one is for him and me too, how can it not help me knowing more about the world around me.

I also need to work on commitment word dropping. I might have a tendency to drop words like "forever" and "when I get married". This scares David. But not me. Cause they are words. Just that. Marriage and forever can be a high expectation and all the fear to follow. It scares me too. But, when I think of my life and where I want to be. Or what I want to do I always envision ex him experiencing things with me. Trying new things, places and experiences. End result I don't need marriage now or even soon. I was really loving where things were and what was ahead of us.

What I'm hoping for, is that what we have not for nothing lost love. Love was never an issue. Not at all. Neither of us have not had control of these feelings for each other since the start of our story. I'm still grasping to fully understand the reality of this new life we have without each other. Even though we may try and spend time together here and there, this will ultimately end for what I hope will be a short period of time.

I have faith in us. That what is meant to be will be.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

New Year New Begginings

2012 was by the best year I have had in a string of not so good years. Met David, increased my family not only by 1 but 2! I feel so wonderful and I am hoping for good things to come. So with the fresh start of a New Year, we all get to make our own resolutions. Yes I have the standard loose 10 pounds, but also keep my frugal living growing. Eat healthier so on and so forth. 

Well this year I'm telling myself I want more. Humanity may not be at its best right now. But what do we our-selfs have the power to do? Recycle? Plant trees? Be less wasteful? Well yes all that. It will, however, take years to do see any results from our actions of today. So I am making a point this year to do 12 Random acts of Kindness. Goal is to at least one per month. I am looking for suggestions on what I can do.

To start the year off I am going to purchase a set of Lotto Tickets and either hand them out to Strangers, or attach them to a few gas pumps in Kennewick. I may not be-able to actually help some one or even see if they find it. BUT I will know that I did try. And that sure will feel wonderful!

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Emptiness

My heart feels empty, lost, and alone. It's been my entire adult hood. Finally I meet a man that filled me with joy and happiness I didn't know I was missing. Now it's gone. I don't know how to hand it.

I have things to look forward to. My move to Portland. New job. It's a big scary move. I thought I was going to have David's support but I feel it dissipating slowing. When he's not around me our love we shared feels cold and distant. But when we see each other there is a charge in the air that fills my body with electricity. I feel love.

That is what I'll misstate of all.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Running away

There comes a breaking point in a lot of people's life's, some have more than others. I have hit one of mine.

So I now sit here on a price of driftwood from some unknown location, staring out into the deeps of the ocean. Reflecting. Sadly nothing positive coming to mind. These thoughts are what intrude my head:

"2013 is our year, baby"

I'm single

This can't be it.

I need to have faith. Faith in me and in us

If you love something. Let it go and hope if finds its way back.

Those are a few of my thoughts for the day.





Sunday, January 13, 2013

Break up

My world has been flipped inside out. What I thought was a fairy tale romance that could stand the test of time came to a shattering holt.

David and I have come to the semi-agreement that we need to work on our selfs to become better us's. Sadly that also means dating other people. I'm not certain that I can jump into any relationship casual, sexual, or otherwise.

What it is I need to work on: Me. I tend to neglect myself quite often. I see myself tipping the scales in the wrong direction. I no longer climb badger that I use to love so much. I don't wear make up. I don't dance. For anyone who's known me knows I dance and love it. May not be close to good at it , but man did I love it. I find myself caught up in taking care of everyone else I lost my self. David has been extremely wonderful in reminding me who I was without him knowing it. He's done so much that he doesn't even realize what it is he's actually helped me on. One day I hope to get the chance to show him. I will also need to get more cultured to the world around me. This one is for him and me too, how can it not help me knowing more about the world around me.

I also need to work on commitment word dropping. I might have a tendency to drop words like "forever" and "when I get married". This scares David. But not me. Cause they are words. Just that. Marriage and forever can be a high expectation and all the fear to follow. It scares me too. But, when I think of my life and where I want to be. Or what I want to do I always envision ex him experiencing things with me. Trying new things, places and experiences. End result I don't need marriage now or even soon. I was really loving where things were and what was ahead of us.

What I'm hoping for, is that what we have not for nothing lost love. Love was never an issue. Not at all. Neither of us have not had control of these feelings for each other since the start of our story. I'm still grasping to fully understand the reality of this new life we have without each other. Even though we may try and spend time together here and there, this will ultimately end for what I hope will be a short period of time.

I have faith in us. That what is meant to be will be.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

New Year New Begginings

2012 was by the best year I have had in a string of not so good years. Met David, increased my family not only by 1 but 2! I feel so wonderful and I am hoping for good things to come. So with the fresh start of a New Year, we all get to make our own resolutions. Yes I have the standard loose 10 pounds, but also keep my frugal living growing. Eat healthier so on and so forth. 

Well this year I'm telling myself I want more. Humanity may not be at its best right now. But what do we our-selfs have the power to do? Recycle? Plant trees? Be less wasteful? Well yes all that. It will, however, take years to do see any results from our actions of today. So I am making a point this year to do 12 Random acts of Kindness. Goal is to at least one per month. I am looking for suggestions on what I can do.

To start the year off I am going to purchase a set of Lotto Tickets and either hand them out to Strangers, or attach them to a few gas pumps in Kennewick. I may not be-able to actually help some one or even see if they find it. BUT I will know that I did try. And that sure will feel wonderful!