Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Thoughts and feeling

I really hate to say this, but its been April since my last blog. And even more sadly its about David. I wish I blogged about some of the new things that I have experienced since my move to Portland, so this way it wasn't another blog about him.

David and I are dating again. All good things I'm sure, however they come with my own set of fears. I am scared. I am so scared that he will not want me, or will choose to think I am not who or what he wants. I fear he will not ever feel what he felt before. I have this fear because he clearly got over me. So much so that he was in a serious committed relationship within a week of us breaking up. I know that he was manipulated into it, and to a degree I understand. BUT that was only a week. He and I still have a connection, and he is so afraid of me still. He has not said this, but I feel it.

I want to guard my heart and not let it get hurt again, but don't know how. I never stopped loving or caring for him. When he was able to move on past me. People have given me advise, which is all fine and dandy. It's one to give, but to listen and be-able to actually act on this advice is another.

I am a much different person since our split. Yet I am still the same. I am not sure what lays in front of me, yet another fear. A huge part of me wants to tell him not to date me until he wants me, but I'm so afraid to not have him in my life again.  I re-read what I wrote and the pain I felt when it ended. Its all still there.

Until than I guess I will keep walking on egg shells, until I figure out a better way to do this whole thing.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thank you!

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Thoughts and feeling

I really hate to say this, but its been April since my last blog. And even more sadly its about David. I wish I blogged about some of the new things that I have experienced since my move to Portland, so this way it wasn't another blog about him.

David and I are dating again. All good things I'm sure, however they come with my own set of fears. I am scared. I am so scared that he will not want me, or will choose to think I am not who or what he wants. I fear he will not ever feel what he felt before. I have this fear because he clearly got over me. So much so that he was in a serious committed relationship within a week of us breaking up. I know that he was manipulated into it, and to a degree I understand. BUT that was only a week. He and I still have a connection, and he is so afraid of me still. He has not said this, but I feel it.

I want to guard my heart and not let it get hurt again, but don't know how. I never stopped loving or caring for him. When he was able to move on past me. People have given me advise, which is all fine and dandy. It's one to give, but to listen and be-able to actually act on this advice is another.

I am a much different person since our split. Yet I am still the same. I am not sure what lays in front of me, yet another fear. A huge part of me wants to tell him not to date me until he wants me, but I'm so afraid to not have him in my life again.  I re-read what I wrote and the pain I felt when it ended. Its all still there.

Until than I guess I will keep walking on egg shells, until I figure out a better way to do this whole thing.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thank you!